Living a lie

Why do i live a lie

I hope for the nearest and the best

But its still not a sufficient try

So please give me a dress

To mask my endless country pie

Of an uncombed found tress

Time is but a wasted affair

Decisions need to be thought out thoroughly.

Flume

Serious love is the worst. Sometimes I feel more intrigued by the thoughts that come across my mind than the actual reality of life. The crazies are out tonight as you can tell by the shape of the moonie and the spookiness of the surrounding sky. 

Me: Everyone left today.

You: I’m still here.

You said that but I wished it meant more than what you had meant.

Advice for myself: Control your feelings before shit hits the fan.

I hate the way you talk to me, 

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car, 

I hate it when you stare. 

I hate your big dumb combat boots 

and the way you read my mind. 

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme. 

I hate the way you’re always right, 

I hate it when you lie. 

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry. 

I hate it when you’re not around, 

and the fact that you didn’t call. 

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, 

not even close…

not even a little bit… 

not even at all. 

Advice

For the things you cannot walk off, just raise yo hand in the persons face like you are about to high five them and say bite me.

You’re my river running high, run deep, run wild

Seriously why do I feel like rejecting your invites all the time. I mean sometimes I feel so mean so I say yes to begin with, then I contemplate it, and I create an excuse to avoid it. I know that is so twisted but I just rather a person who doesn’t seem to want to be in my presence. Does that even make sense? Its like a sick cycle. I care for those who do not care for me but take granted of those who ‘I think’ care for me if I may so being thick-skinned and all. Well, the heart wants what the heart wants and you can’t stop your wretched ways from being wretched. Why am I so effing wretched I want to maul a bear. Oh shit that is so wrong.

To the readers of my tumblg (probably one or two) thanks for bearing with my wretchedness. I do not put this out so publicly so you are the few rare species to see the true me? if that is the real me and not an impersonator trying to twist your mind to believing that this me is sick beyond contemplation in the mental area.

My phone just vibratedronz. Oh eff you just asked me go to the beach (Its so friggin hot I will melt dude). I blew you off four times this time round already. ): I don’t know how to handle being mean anymore. I am pure meanie I don’t want to be mean so stop it please do stop it.

I am so dying alone. Karma is a beetch right.

I also don’t think tumblgs are for pouring out your feelings but uhm a bit too late.

Watching 50 cents new music video uploaded 8 hours ago

Made me realise that my taste in music has substantially changed, holla at me brotha. Back in sec 3 I remember sitting with the crew Jilly and Archie and whoever else who was interested, ‘rapping’. Wow serious flashback. Go shawtay its ur birthday. And honestly I don’t like the video I just watched I couldn’t bare watching the whole thing either. Torture. All these girls in tight clothes skitches total skitches come on women don’t let them guys treat you like skitches.

I still love you Cudi. You’re different. You’re cool. You ain’t no skitch lover.